I think it’s fair to say that apart from the milk in my latte, the cheese on my crackers and the 2-4-1 burger deals every Monday in my local, I am a vegan. I am totally on board – excited even – to fill my days munching on avocado, Medjool dates, and green smoothies. Oh I do feel proud. I’ve even bought couple of Kilner jars to fill with nuts and seeds, and boy did I enjoy getting them home, washing them out, and tipping all those plump, lovely nuts into them with the same joy as the night before school started and stocking up my brand new pencil case with pens, pencil and a compass that was only ever used to prick people and get the dirt out of my nails in R.E. The only problem with said jars is that if you buy them you have to fill them. Great! Stockpiling nuts. Hoorah! Oh, but then they’re there aren’t they? And that means every time I go into the kitchen (I’m even finding excuses to go into the kitchen), I clip open that cumbersome jar and gobble down another handful. What a sweet predicament. Yes. For a hamster, perhaps, or a squirrel. Speaking of said furry hoarders – there’s a little fellow I regularly see outside my window – I can see him right now in fact – always tottering over the rooftops stuffing his cheeks…I think he’s found some toast as we speak…he’s looking at me…I just turned away so as to avoid eye contact. I think he smells all the nuts in my system…still looking…I see this little fellow so often and it must be said that on occasion I have strained my neck a little to see what he’s eating and often been a little jealous – JEALOUS – of all these nuts he finds. (He’s actually still looking – his furry ears are burning…do squirrels bite?) No time to find out because I am going to get a handful of nuts. Because I’m a vegan. Today.